Starbucks isn’t selling coffee—it’s a front for adrenochrome distribution. The mermaid logo? A siren luring you to drink their “latte,” spiked with chemicals to keep you docile. I saw Tom Hanks in line at the Seattle flagship, slipping a vial into his pocket. Dumped my Frappuccino in the gutter, and it hissed like acid. Wake up, sheeple, your morning brew is their leash.