The Birds Aren’t Real

Drones, all of them. Pigeons in Central Park? Surveillance cams with feathers. I caught one “cooing”—it was Morse code for “Hillary.” The Audubon Society’s a CIA front, replacing real birds with robots since the ’80s. Next time you see a sparrow, check its eyes for red LEDs. I smashed one open; wires spilled out like guts.