The Oscars aren’t awards—they’re rituals. Every statue’s a talisman, infused with blood from A-list sacrifices. I saw it in a leaked Snapchat from the Dolby Theatre: DiCaprio slicing his palm, dripping into a chalice while Spielberg chanted. The red carpet? Stained with their pact to the Illuminati. Check the winners’ speeches—every “thank you” is code for “I serve.”